I am perfectly fine with it. Why should I care? I see with clarity. Objectively. And I think I can get out of bad situations. Done it before, not so hard to replicate my actions.

has it always been this dark? 17.

Its not hard to remember how I felt on possibly the most perspective altering moment in my life. When you recounted your first story of betrayal. I do not know how to express the emotion in words. Why would you tell me? Your own guilt? The image was burned into my memory. Did repeating the process make you feel better about yourself?

But thanks, really. For lifting the veil that clouded my vision. I can see people for what they really are. Suffice to say I only feel a muted disappointment now.

I come to the conclusion that we do not get over things. We just live based on them.

Seems like a trivial matter but it was a big fucking deal to me.

Have you stared in the face of humanity? Contemplated and realised that there is no hope left for us. But I am only twenty-one and I understand that I have yet to see the true horrors of these murky depths that is the culmination of human thoughts and emotions.

So don't ask me why I am an escapist.

Its so hard to remain ambiguous.
And I'm pretty sure my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

I've got to tell you what a state we're in.

I guess that's okay. Stop complaining. The conclusion is that life is most probably hell. We must have done some crazy shit in our forgotten past lives. Suffer in silence and see how much you can endure before you really start to break down sobbing. Why lie to yourself? Things are not good, you myopic fool. Its just your mind trying its feeble best to protect itself from the horrors that be.

Longcat is loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong

what are blogs for, anyways?

2B

I am so decrepit, debilitated, discombobulated and enfeebled. Every centimetre of movement takes mind numbing effort. I can't move and my muscles are cramped. But the urge to run is unbearable.

I think I am too used to being like this.
Sad.

There is so little direction in my life that sometimes, I just sit and think of nothing for a few minutes. Not that I am bored. Bored people find things to do. I don't want to do anything.

After recent contemplation, I have come to the conclusion that I am bipolar. Or schizophrenic. Albeit very mildly. How in science can something non existent cause me physical discomfort?

I'm pretty sure some where and some time else, I would be able to have fit in more.

I don't belong in this world.

Sometimes I know everything. Sometimes I don't know anything. I hate and I love. I care and I don't. I smoke and I don't. I talk and I listen. I laugh and I cry, want and despise.
Why the fuck can't I make up my mind?

Sometimes I think that I have it all figured out. Then I take a look around and I know that I have it all figured out.

its almost eleven pm. and i have spent the last 3 hrs doing nothing on the internet. i love the internet.